AN OPEN LETTER TO GOD

dear god,

i know you're busy. i am going to be brief. i know you have other things to handle. crop failures. tectonics. pop music.

i'm writing about {{TARGET}}.

now, i know what you're going to say: "flemlord, i have given you many gifts. free will. language. the internet, to the extent that was a good idea. why do you waste your precious time on {{TARGET}}?"

and to that i would respond: god, have you met {{TARGET}}?

you did this. you made them this way. they are, allegedly, your creation. take ownership of that for a second. take a long look.

i am not asking for their removal. i am not a monster. i am asking for a tune-up. a patch. a gentle nudge. a small, instructive plague, perhaps. something thematic. involving bagels.

in the alternative: give me the strength to stop caring. give me peace. give me the ability to walk into a deli on a tuesday and NOT SEE them there. is that too much to ask.

actually yes. i take that back. i would miss the material.

so: keep them. just dial them down 15%. that's all.

thank you for your time. please do not reply all.

sincerely,
flemlord
(about me)